The Power of Creativity
My head doesn't often shut off...not ever really. It's exhausting, and can at times be debilitating. I'm not kidding. Run an engine for six months straight and see what you get. Mostly though it's a good thing. I'm well beyond creative. There was a time when saying something like that would have seemed strange to me...oddly arrogant, except for the fact, you know, that it's true. I write things. I draw things. I have ideas. I'm more comfortable with saying it now. It's the truth, and it's just plain old who I am. I don't even want to talk to the hot water heater repair guy but I'll happily tackle a new idea without knowing if it will work. It's a strange phenomenon, and I don't always understand it. It's dragged me into some wonderful spots, but it's also left me feeling somewhat isolated at times. When you're head doesn't work like other heads it can be, well, lonely. I get irrationally excited about things that others shrug at. I feed on emotion and inspiration. I manage idleness and conflict horribly. In the end, I'll take the creativity...it's a powerful thing.
Sometimes I wonder if I've landed in the wrong spot...if my head and heart were meant for other things...if I didn't just land where I am by accident, because I was good at it, and because it mattered to me. That's still the classic philosophical struggle...it matters to me, and so I couldn't walk away if I tried. That's the secret you know...find things that matter. Still, there are times when I can't help but wonder what else this ever churning and chugging brain could get busy with.
I find comfort in creativity. There isn't much as soothing as making something out of nothing, even if it's just an idea...a few moments earlier it was nothing. It's really the only kind of evidence of my work. I don't build book shelves or tile bathrooms but I can write one helluva story to read to my daughters...I can slap together a game that will occupy hours of their curious little eager time, but I would have difficulty laying carpet. Shrug...
It's odd what has value and what does not. What I am good at doesn't necessarily translate into financial success, or tangible recognition, yet laying carpet can help you retire. I don't understand it, nor do I try...it can be upsetting at best. I just try...and let my head and heart go where it wants. I hope for the best and pray someone is looking out for me. I wouldn't trade my head for yours, not ever. The power of creativity humbles me. I'm awestruck by what it can achieve, but waking up with fifteen thoughts in your head makes a guy just want to go back to sleep.