It's complicated.

She's grown so much in fifteen months...so, so much.  She's getting to be pretty fun.  To be perfectly honest  I'm no championship Dad for the first twelve or so months. I'm just not.  The crying kills me.  The screaming undoes me. The lack of meaningful back and forth communication is frustrating.  I'm just no good until we can give and take mutually.  These last few months have become just that.

I'm not proud to say that I sucked through infancy, and got no better in early toddlerdom, but it's the truth.  These days, however, the going has gotten easier.  Maggie is starting to talk.  She understands us and can answer our questions simply.  We know what she wants, and can articulate what we want.  It's brilliant.  Now I might be able to get down to being a good Dad, not just surviving fatherhood. Now I'm gathering up reason after reason to love her...before I just did.  Now I'm starting to better understand all of the complicated reasons why.

She's so smart, and funny.  She has a pretty outsized sense of humour.  She's bold.  Much bolder than Zoey ever was, and stubborn, but in the way that eases your mind.  I don't think people will take advantage of Maggie Aoi DeWagner, and if they do...pity them.  She understands things.  She's a gamer.  She eats well, and sleeps...well, she could sleep better.  She can be alone, but she loves her sister very much.  It's an entirely new experience this second child.  So much is the same and so much is entirely different.

All I really know for sure is that the smiles can still knock you down dead.