Sunday, October 20, 2013


I'm probably going to offend a lot of people here but I don't care.  You'll just have to deal with it.

I'm so tired of adult men behaving like adolescent, so tired.  I don't like watching you revert to high school priorities. I can't stand how you adopt your children's slang. It drives me insane that you can't let go.  Let go of what?  Most of you, if you're any kind of normal human being, didn't achieve all that much to cling to in the first place.  As we age we get better, or are supposed to.  Stop wishing you could erase the past decade or two. You can't.  Don't try to be your kids friend.  Stop trying to make people like you.  Think for yourself.  Embrace humility. Find some perspective. Quit plastering your kids lame ass hockey team's window decals on your car.  Don't wear a team coat when all you did was fertilize an egg that grew into an athlete, if they are indeed some kind of athlete.

It would be amazing if you spent more money on your kids clothing than on your Sunday morning rec hockey stick quiver, and why on earth do you need a f#$%ing iPhone, iPad, & Macbook when you don't even know what the "Cloud" is?  Stop doing stupid fake gang signs, the Hawaiian shaka, or that God awful hook-em-horns sign in photos.  Keep your tongue in your mouth when doing the same. Please wear your hat properly. You're not Ken Griffey Jr. taking batting practice.  You don't know everything.  Please stop starting sentences, "you know what you should do." Stop compensating by driving large pick-up trucks. Stand for something, just once.  Apologize once in awhile.  Admit you don't know shit about beer, wine, or cigars...or sports while we're at it. Treat your daughters the same way that you treat your sons.  For the love of God stop talking about integrity, values, and character when you have very few reference points for any of them.

Stop f$%&ing bullying people.  No more arm band tattoos or Celtic tattoos, and please, if you're Canadian no more maple leaf tattoos.  Enough slo-pitch talk. It's not a real sport.  Similarly, running, curling, golf, etc...are different kinds of sports. They make you an athlete, absolutely, but you just have to shut the #$%& up about them.  No one care about your weekly one. Speaking of sports, if you didn't come to them until you were an adult, then you're not allowed to talk about them.  Same with guitar...if you haven't mastered it by age 35, then stop pulling it out every chance that you get. It pisses people off.

I'd give just about anything to stop reading your status updates that give holier-than-thou ultimatums to professional athletes, that preach, and that prop yourselves up in contrast with humanity.  I beg you to quit talking about indie bands unless you've got a High Fidelity-esque history of geeking out over music.  Don't wear tight t-shirts or skinny jeans.  Stop talking about "the boys" because none of you have been boys for a loong ass time. Start respecting women who aren't your mother, and please, please, please don't ever call me bro.

Keep it real.  Idiots.


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