The Story Goes Like This...

So the story goes like this...

I started feeling off a few days ago, then on Thursday I was feeling a little light headed...well, a lot at times...so I checked my blood pressure and it was high.  Then I went home and laid down to rest.  I got better but not awesome...and we're all kinda shootin' for awesome, right?  I woke up and went at it again, pretty hard actually, and came home feeling terrible.  I laid down to rest but now I had a discomfort in my chest, and a headache, and felt sick sometimes.  So, I'm not stupid, and since laying down to rest but then not feeling rested does nothing but leave yourself laying prone so that the paramedics have an easier time with your corpse, I shuffled off to the hospital for a check up.  I'll own up to getting very anxious about such things, which doesn't help, but I'm also proud to admit that I'm not one of those guys who refuses to go to the doctor.  I went.

Four hours later, an EKG, a lengthy heart monitor, blood work, and a chest x-ray...left me cleared to go home, and relax.  My heart is in great shape, my lungs are in great shape, my blood is, well, perfectly normal and bloody...I was told to generally take better care of myself...eating, exercising, relaxing, having fun...all of those things we're all kind of already bent on doing. So why the light headedness, and what's was with the chest pain?  Shrug...dunno...but my heart is strong like bull so I'm not too worried about it.  Stress?  Maybe, but not Wall Street Trader style stuff.  Run down?  That's more like it...run down and then that's when anxiety takes hold.  I'm a weird contrast in that I feel super strong and together, bombproof almost, and then when there's a crack in the dam...every six months or so, the water starts pouring in. When I'm run down, I'm weak, and when I'm weak I try to be strong, and when I try too hard to do that, I get weaker, and then I get worried, and then...

Hospital photos of feet ensue...and hilarious Facebook back and forths with friends while I lay connected to monitors and bored to death.  Kind of a ho-hum little story, so let's back track and I'll blame the Detroit Tigers. Like this...

So...I had taken out our entire life savings...some $74, 000, and called my bookie in Vegas.  Before the World Series even started I laid it all down on a four game comeback from being down to the Giants 3-0...I just had a hunch.  Then, if you read the papers, you know that I was just four games from cashing in.  Once June found out, she kicked me out of the house, and took sole custody of our beautiful children, and then in a drug induced fit of near sleepless anguish in a nearby alley, I tried taking my own life without success.  Apparently that whole Coke and Mentos thing only makes you sick to your stomach.  While recovering in a nearby hospital I dreamed that Mitt Romney had become President and woke up with chest pain.  The rest is, shall we say, history.  There was also some awfulness of Ohio State beating Oregon in a Rose Bowl that despite being impossible I swear actually happened.  Shudder.  Say what you want about all of that but I blame the Detroit Tigers for the whole ordeal.