The Zoey Blog: Revelations and Goodnight Kisses FINAL - COVER UNIVERSE EXPLORERS ORDER

Saturday, September 15, 2012

Revelations and Goodnight Kisses

Today was just one head spinning moment of profundity stacked on top of one other head spinning moment of profundity that all ended with the sweetest, nicest girl blowing my mind.  Until you've somehow managed it you have no idea what kind of space between two people can be cultivated between a goddamned teenager ('cause isn't that what we all were?) and your middle aged self. A pretty genuine one, I can tell you that. She made me think, sometimes out loud, and certainly all the way home and into the evening...still at bedtime even, and as I read to Zo, and watched her drift off to someplace awesome, all I could think of was how badly I wanted her to stay that peaceful, naive, three year old way forever.  She was beautiful, and for some reason it seemed so damned transitory tonight, so different from every other night that I was soon choking back warm tears. She's gonna grow up, and it's going to be hard to let go. If she ends up half as cool as the girl that ended my much too profound day then I'll be a lucky guy.

Today was why I so desperately wanted a daughter, or daughters...I guess a little part of me wanted to feel that exposed, and be that vulnerable, and more than a little piece of me wanted to fall in love every night at bedtime.

I wish that I had it in me to explain just how soul bending my days are...but there are no words. There might never be the words, but there'll always be days like this, and bedtimes like that. Or wait, maybe that's the point of all this midnight typing. I guess there won't always be either, and that might just be the saddest thing I've ever written.


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