Wet Eyes and Blue Skies...
Jet trails. I'm always going to remember jet trails in the morning sky whenever I think of my daughter. I looked up from where June was struggling so hard to do what she knew she must...what she was told, and what she remembered was the most important to do...to breathe, and to not push, and to stay calm...and while stroking her hair, and holding her hand, I noticed that the sky was shifting from orange to blue, the sun was on it's way up, and there were jet trails. I watched them between contractions, and I worked hard not to get too emotional. I'm good with emotional...it's something I manage quite well. It's kind of in my strike zone, but I didn't want to cry, not now. I don't know why I didn't want to. I'm the most embarrassingly sensitive man on the planet, and I'm okay with that, in fact, I pray that it's a strength, but I could feel the hot tears, like I had when I was a child, when I was embarrassed maybe, or angry, only this time they were filling from an overwhelming place and I didn't want them to come. June's exhausting effort pulled me back from the sky each time, but I'll always remember the jet trails.
The tears didn't come until later, when I sat in the car, turned the ignition and couldn't stop them. Three girls. I have three girls to love and that love me back and...and I don't know what to say or how to say it. Even now the tears come, and alone in my room I needn't stop them. Three girls to take care of, who will always take care of me, and whose love is infinite.
Just breathe, I tell myself over and over.
Three girls, and I'm oh-so the luckiest guy on the face of the earth. For the rest of my life I'm going to see jet trails and I guarantee you that if there is enough silence, and if there's just a little time to think, there'll be tears. For fifty more years there'll be jet trails and tears. I think morning has just become my new favorite time and the sky my new favorite place. Three girls. I'm not even sure what to type except that I thought I had this love thing down pat until today. I didn't. It's funny how much love can feel like wet eyes and blue skies.