Fathers and Sons...and Girls

I've forever believed John Steinbeck to be the greatest gift to literature that North America has ever mustered. I can't help but read even a single passage and get goosebumps, or long for a California that you can only know so intimately if you've let her into your heart as Steinbeck had. His work is masculine and yet overwhelmingly sentimental and emotional. He's long been, for me, something of an ideal voice for every man.

In November of 1958, the esteemed author of East of Eden, The Grapes of Wrath, and Of Mice and Men, received an emotionally charged letter from his then teenage son Thom, in which the young man confessed that he had fallen oh-so desperately in love with a young woman at his boarding school named Susan. The legendary author wrote this beautiful and touching letter back to his son that very same day...

New York
November 10, 1958

Dear Thom:

We had your letter this morning. I will answer it from my point of view and of course Elaine will from hers.

First -- if you are in love -- that's a good thing -- that's about the best thing that can happen to anyone. Don't let anyone make it small or light to you.

Second -- There are several kinds of love. One is a selfish, mean, grasping, egotistical thing which uses love for self-importance. This is the ugly and crippling kind. The other is an outpouring of everything good in you -- of kindness and consideration and respect -- not only the social respect of manners but the greater respect which is recognition of another person as unique and valuable. The first kind can make you sick and small and weak but the second can release in you strength, and courage and goodness and even wisdom you didn't know you had.

You say this is not puppy love. If you feel so deeply -- of course it isn't puppy love.

But I don't think you were asking me what you feel. You know better than anyone. What you wanted me to help you with is what to do about it -- and that I can tell you.

Glory in it for one thing and be very glad and grateful for it.

The object of love is the best and most beautiful. Try to live up to it.

If you love someone -- there is no possible harm in saying so -- only you must remember that some people are very shy and sometimes the saying must take that shyness into consideration.

Girls have a way of knowing or feeling what you feel, but they usually like to hear it also.

It sometimes happens that what you feel is not returned for one reason or another -- but that does not make your feeling less valuable and good.

Lastly, I know your feeling because I have it and I'm glad you have it.

We will be glad to meet Susan. She will be very welcome. But Elaine will make all such arrangements because that is her province and she will be very glad to. She knows about love too and maybe she can give you more help than I can.

And don't worry about losing. If it is right, it happens -- The main thing is not to hurry. Nothing good gets away.

Love,

Fa

And that's the kind of father that I want to be... and man. It doesn't take much effort to tap into that side of you that you might hope your child admires and perhaps becomes... It will be hard for them to accomplish all of that without you, and oh-so easy with you.

I don't know if Thom and Susan ever married, or if John's son ever took his father's thoughtful advice, but I do know that if I ever have a son, he'll hear as much and more from his own father...much more.