Bathtub Anatomy and Regret

Today's bath discussion was an attempt to clarify that Zoey's bum didn't encompass the entirety of her nether regions. It was difficult work explaining the female anatomy to an inquisitive but fairly ambivalent two year old. Sure she wanted to know what else she might refer to her bottom parts as, but only so for about a minute and a half, then she was distracted by slipping under the no-slip mat in the bathtub.

First I tried telling her that there was her bum and her "gyma" down there, but thought better of it almost as soon as I said it. "Your vagina is right there in the front and your bum is there in the back," I said from a safe distance. I wondered for a moment why Dad was having this conversation with her.

She differentiated between the two regions quickly, but butchered the terminology. Here was Daddy trying not to throw out euphemisms, and being overly concerned about using the right language, and there's Zo bastardizing "vagina" and making it beegyma" without even blinking. When she finally figured it all out she looked like this...



It didn't strike me until afterward that she might be telling everyone on the planet that she's rockin' both a bum and a "beegyma." That'll very likely be her introductory line...not hello...not hi...just "I have a beegyma AND a bum." Nice timing Dad. I guess it had to happen sometime, so it might as well be happening now when she's cute as hell and almost anything she says can be immediately forgiven or chalked up to precociousness.

What I still can't fathom is how I found myself in this discussion in the first place?