Tuesday, February 1, 2011

An Admission...

This is my moment of vulnerability.

I just want things to go away. When things get hard, when things get unnerving, when there's actually something there to be scared of...I just want it to go away. There's no uber-masculine, take the bull by the horns, dripping with poise approach to anything difficult...there's just the desperate hope that it just goes away.

It's probably a pretty common thing for a parent, but when Zo gets all feverish and watery eyed I just melt into a goey pile of anxiety and concern. She's just so little, and it's all so hard for her to grasp. She just feels awful and wants to feel better. Last night she was burning up, and June spent most of the night tending to her...Super Mom...never flustered, full of poise...not me. I can't sleep. I worry. I want it to go away. June could very likely attest to my unnerving. It's almost embarrassing. Zo gets sick...Dad gets upset.

It wouldn't bother me so much except for I see the trend...wishing things away doesn't make them disappear.

Zo still had a fever this morning, although slightly less, and she was still coughing and having trouble breathing through her nose, but the temp was down first thing and that's what typically unsettles me. She's terribly listless this morning, and awfully cuddly, as close to miserable as this little girl ever gets, and as the snow drifts higher and higher outside we're hoping things get better inside as the day progresses. Poor girl. Poor Daddy, this stuff unnerves me silly.


Blogger kaedejune said...

I swear this kid is closely connected to the universe... she was born during a snow storm and the most snow on the ground in a long time! 8 out of 10 full moons make her think its 8am at 3am! And, one of her worst fevers yet... this past wednesday... happened when the supposed Apocalypse was coming to town...worst snow storm of the season (?) She's a trooper. I'm starting to think I need to pay more attention to what's happening in the world just to know what to expect with our daughter ;) Maybe that will help you prepare for the worst with her OX

February 4, 2011 at 8:08 AM  

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