You and Me Together...

Sometimes we need reminding about how fortunate we are. I do. I find that what I do during the day takes a unique toll on what I do at home. I don't know how I ended up in this place where I work really hard to take care of other people. There were no road signs, no maps that led me to this place. I just wanted to make a difference. What I didn't anticipate was how much other people's problems could throw me off kilter and out of orbit. I feel a regular wobble throughout my life, as though the tire is worn thin on just one side. I must be one helluva contradiction, one difficult dude to live with...to love. Sometimes I'll drive two hours because a tearful phone call begged me to, and then when I have to clean my cat's litter box when I get home I want to throw him outside to fend for himself. Sometimes I let kids yell at me because they need to, but I don't allow my wife, and friends, and family to burden me with their problems or their concerns. Sometimes I wonder just what is under the hood, you know...what's fueling this machine because it often doesn't make much sense.

Stress is like that, I suppose. No one really understands it...really gets it. It strikes strange. It's a bit like a half detonated mine field with a scattering of dangerous places you wouldn't want to set a foot down on. I feel like that sometimes, but I have to sleep on it, or get away, or distract myself, or just get a damn grip, and everything fades and feels fine. Sometimes I need reminding just how fortunate I am, probably more than others might, and that seems strange.

I woke up this morning to a quiet house. I slept through the night, without interuption. I found this great song. I slipped out to breakfast with June. I came home to nurse a burgeoning cold while she slipped to Baachan's and Grandad's to pick up Zoey. I napped. I woke up to sunshine, and regret for yet another night of stunted social symmetry with the universe. Then I breathed deeply in all of my good fortune, and all of my right here and now, and thanked the sky that I have what I have.

Then I listened to this song over and over and over until I missed my wife and daughter so much it hurt.



Sometimes it takes some reminding that everything is perfect. You and me together, we can do anything...or so says Dave Matthews, but I believe him.