Blogging...not for the faint hearted.

I started this blog a little less than three years ago, and in that time I've exposed my inner workings with regularity. It wasn't always easy, and to be honest, it wasn't always well thought out, but it was natural. It was everything that I was at the time, in that moment...it was organic to say the least. I'm sure I set myself up for judgements, and certainly for criticism. I most definitely courted the changing of opinions about me, both good and bad. I didn't think about it too much, I just did it. In the end Zoey will someday have a pretty clear picture of who her father is. Whatever her impression of him is, well, that's out of my busily typing hands.

All I really know about this endeavor is that it's been close to my heart. I promised myself that I would type everything if I was moved to type anything, and such an enterprise is not an easy chore. If there are tears, they need to find their way onto the blog. If there is disappointment or regret, it needs to find it's way into this post or that one. If the things you write down aren't honest then what's the point? I also knew that I wanted Zoey's blog to be about connecting with other people, and it has. It's given me plenty of opportunities to say things that people never get to say to one another, and to reach out, re-connect, and to re-affirm relationships. It's done a lot to remind me that friends come in many shapes and sizes, and that they're not always who you think they are. In fact, they're most typically not. The unfortunate truth is that there are plenty of people whom we adore and then never make such sentiments known, and lots of people who, in turn, value us, more than they ever get around to saying. This blog has helped to harvest those relationships and that wasn't exactly what I had in mind, but it's been one of the beautiful benefits.

I can't imagine stopping now. I can't fathom giving up on this daily dose of humility and humor. I get to be the guy that I want to be, flaws and all, and it's been revelatory. It's helped me come to understand that there are less places to truly be ourselves than we imagine. We all need one place where who we are isn't influenced or affected by everyone around us. For me, this is it. It's not always easy, and it's sometimes embarrassing but it's exactly what I needed.

Zo's blog averages about 250 visitors a day, some days more...some days a lot more. I don't even know 250 people, so that's a lot of people who I've let into my heard and heart. The blog has had over 50,000 visitors in less than three years and that number leaves me kind of flabberghasted. There are 50,000 people who probably know something pretty revealing about me. You'd think that would be a little unnerving but, surprisingly, it's quite the opposite. It feels good to be this transparent. It feels comforting to know that on 50,000 occasions I've been nothing more than myself, and that alone was good enough. The bigger hope is that someday Zoey reads all of this and whoever I've been all these years was exactly that, good enough. It's one thing to entertain 50,000 people, and it's entirely another thing to inspire just one little girl.

I've never thought about it this way until now, but there are few things on this planet I'm more proud of than this little collection of nonsense and affection. This is who I am, and how I feel, and I hope that's good enough. From this side of all that typing it is. It most certainly is.