Beautiful Quietude and Goodbye to Trickster Demons

It's 7am and the wind's up, it's cool outside, and the waves make for nice company. Last night I was missing New York...this morning I'm wondering how I could ever walk away from this. Coffee and quiet...kind of the solution to a million problems, universally, I think. If we could just get the ten most powerful men and women together on one quiet and cool morning, on some beautiful Canadian beach (insert any beautiful beach here) with the best beans you could manage to brew...well, let's just say the world would be a lot better place. The whole event could be sponsored by Roots and there'd peameal bacon served for breakfast a little later in the morning, and of course, early afternoon beers. You know, Canuck it up a little for the greater good of humanity. By the end of the afternoon those powerful dudes will be apologizing to each other en masse.

I've got to learn to get up earlier each day. I love the early morning, when most of the world's @%$holes are still asleep, but of course I don't typically rise any earlier even with that awareness. I go to bed late, and sleep as long as Zo allows, and typically I don't feel the way I feel this morning. I feel pushed into the day and I don't get pushed into anything feeling very good. In fact, even when you don't realize that you're pushing me into something, even the slightest, most unimportant of somethings, I get ornery. I get quiet and distant. Sure, it passes, and usually pretty quickly, but the triggers that turn me into poor company are subtle and often hard to understand. I feel bad for friends and that smiling, tolerant wife of mine.

The Top Ten Things That Leave Me Crunchy are as follows:

1. Steal my independence
2. Restrict my choices
3. Rob me of some small, simple intent
4. Force me to re-adjust my efforts mid-effort.
5. Don't offer quiet faith in my competence.
6. Miss the forest for the trees.
7. Get out of synch with the greater universe...me or anyone near me.
8. When seemingly obvious priorities aren't shared.
9. Discredit my opinions or interpretations, not facts.
10. Don't allow me the space to gather myself and right the ship.

That's pretty much it. I know that a lot can fall under that umbrella but the winds of change are so quick to alter the landscape of my mood that it would be difficult to get more specific without things becoming uber-scenario specific, which isn't exactly the scientific method...I suppose none of it is. I can get out of sorts in the blink of an eye and for the seemingly most minute detail. I could rationalize it in a snap, but to the outside eye..."He's a whack job." I'm not.

The last two days I've been struggling to keep my perspective positive. It's felt as though the universe has been toying with me, having fun, as though the old aboriginal notion of devious spirits have been set upon me to fluster me and run me emotionally ragged, What were they called, trickster demons, of some sort? I always found those stories funny, until I feel smack dab in the middle of one of them. It's just been the little things, the spilt milk, if you will, but today feels better already. I think the winds have blown those little devils away. I don't even really believe in any of that junk...well, at least I don't think I do? Maybe I do? I guess I'm open to the possibility. All I really know is that when I get that feeling as though all that stuff exists, and the universe hates me for a day or two, it turns me into rather loathful company.

But today...today feels good. Today feels full of adventure and I haven't even moved 30 feet from where I slept. I've made coffee, splashed some water on on my face, and sat down to write. Zoey's just now woke up, and the wind is from the North, so cool, and less humid than it has been all week. It's nice. Today will be free of trickster demons and nonsense, I think. Whew. I was getting ready to go on strike or buy and airplane ticket to some trickster-free location on the globe.