The Zoey Blog: An explanation, or maybe an excuse... FINAL - COVER UNIVERSE EXPLORERS ORDER

Wednesday, April 28, 2010

An explanation, or maybe an excuse...

"People seldom do what they believe in."
- Bob Dylan

There's this kid I can't get enough of. He's one of the most intelligent people I've ever met in a dozen different ways, and he's also one of the most messed up people I know. One is certainly connected to the other, and in ways I can't even begin to understand. He has a George Orwell tattoo. Our first conversation was about "A Clockwork Orange," and he kinda makes my day.

He's leaving for rehab in four days...maybe.

I found him a copy of George Orwell's "1984"...the new Penguin Classic Edition with the Shephard Fairey cover. He can take it with him to treatment.

He's the kind of kid that keeps me from cashing out in a hundred other opportunities. He's the excuse I give when someone asks why I'm not writing all of the time instead of some of the time. Sometimes I wonder if he's an easy excuse to reach for when the real issue might be fear? Sometimes I wonder that but then he comes to find me when he has a problem and needs help and then it strikes me that maybe I am scared, but then maybe I'm also inclined to do the kind of things that I believe in...and this is it.

We once met with a psychic down in Hell's Kitchen who threw me for a loop. She knew what I did for a living, and she knew what I had thought about doing, and she wouldn't let me off the hook when I explained the importance of a kid like this, and how much that meant to me to help. She said that she saw me writing, and that I was kidding myself if I thought that I couldn't make a difference with my words on paper rather than in the air between people. When I left she told me not to be scared...and I still haven't done anything about it.

It's funny, because I want Zoey to be proud of what I do, and so it makes this life I live easy. There's no debating the importance of what I get to do each day, but then I want her to chase her dreams and follow her heart and use teh talents that she has to the fullest. I'm not doing that. I might be doing somethign that I believe in but I can do more than just that.


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