The Zoey Blog: Go in Menu, not as in Five Major Violations FINAL - COVER UNIVERSE EXPLORERS ORDER

Tuesday, February 23, 2010

Go in Menu, not as in Five Major Violations

Today the NCAA leveled five major violation accusations at the University of Michigan's football program, which I would normally care a great deal about except for the fact that I'm obsessed with Loblaw's Blue Menu items and have officially decided to give up college football for a healthier lifestyle, which includes that awesome Blue Menu stuff and excludes chicken wings and stressful NCAA investigations. So now when I say Go Blue I mean it in an entirely different way. I mean it like I want you to stop whatever you're doing and eat something from the Blue Menu. Mostly eat fruit and veggies, but chuck in some Blue Menu stuff just to keep your sanity. That's what I'm doing and it's turning me into a health conscious bucket of optimism, you know, if buckets had consciences.

I'm just gonna flat out ignore the Michigan stuff because that's the kind of thing I do. It's an age old fight or flight thing, I think.

On completely unrelated notes, I was told that I'm the primary subject of my old teacher's Leadership classes, which is cool. I deflected the humbling revelation with inappropriate and unnecessary humor, because that kind of praise feels pretty awkward.

I also got word that I'll be a delegate at North America's biggest Gang Summit in Toronto at the end of March which is beyond cool, much better than all that sappy leadership stuff, and a nice distraction from five charges of major NCAA violations. You know things are bad in Ann Arbor when I'd rather hang out with Crips and bloods and Venice 13's than endure an investigation.

Zo is feeling like several million bucks today, after a double dose of the pukies yesterday. Go Zo!

Lastly, I was completely abusing all of my old Mitch Hedberg performances today and I realized that I love him more than Q-tips, and that's a lot. Maybe even more than spaghetti and blankets which is really a lot.

It's all a pretty good lesson in that if you eat from the Blue Menu you will have classes taught about you, you will get to hang around hard core gangsters, you will be surrounded by comedic genius, and all of your Fall Saturdays will be ruined. You'll feel great though...and so will your previously pukie daughter.


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