The Zoey Blog: We think Zoey is really Serree and Mike's illegitimate love child... FINAL - COVER UNIVERSE EXPLORERS ORDER

Monday, November 9, 2009

We think Zoey is really Serree and Mike's illegitimate love child...

Serree Mike Zo
Serree, Zo, and Mike pretending to be one happy biological family.

So June and I are convinced that Zoey is really the surrogate love child of our friends, Serree and Mike. She looks like she fell straight outta their blond and beautiful gene pool and if that's true then I'll be damned if I'm paying for college. I also won't pay for the following items:

- braces
- a separate pair of gym shoes
- haircuts
- summer camp
- her first speeding ticket
- school photos
- Kwame Kilpatrick-like excessive text messaging bills
- hot dog days
- prom dress
- any Scholastic Book Catalogue orders in elementary school
- field trips
- the return flight home from Italy in the summer between her sophomore and junior year of college
- Spring Break (I was going to bribe her away from that anyway)
- excessively expensive shampoos
- internet
- pedicures or any stupid appendage vanity

If she is indeed Mike and Serree's immaculate love child then I'll also have to demand financial restitution for all those stupid baby books and that awful breast pump. It's only fair.

Self-portrait Zo and Serree - Nov 8
Zoey and her real Mom taking self-portraits in the sunshine.

We hope that she is indeed ours after all this time and especially after all of the abuse June's breasts have endured. It would be a major bummer if it turned out that Serree and Mike were actually Zo's real parents...I mean, they'd be great, and I can't imagine anyone I'd want raising Zedder ahead of Serree, but I've got nine plus months in of feeling inadequate, at wits end, and stupid tired...frustration would barely describe my disappointment. All that plus her Grandpa Rick would absolutely ruin her with all that Montreal Canadians crap he's got oozing out of his pores. A kid just can't recover from that kind of abuse. She'd need therapy for sure, and that's one more thing I'm not paying for.

Serree Zo camera
Serree wastes her time trying to show a 1/4 Japanese kid how a camera works...she's part-Partridge, c'mon.

We really don't have a plan if we find out that Zo really isn't ours. We were mostly just thinking that we might ignore it and quietly hope the embarrassment of it all just goes away. It's quite possible that Serree and Mike don't even want their illegitimate love daughter and in that case we call dibs.


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