FREE attitude adjustments. The line starts here...

I got me some fresh sheets and a bad attitude. It's a quarter to one on the morning and despite her relative attractiveness January Jones is ruining the early hours of my Sunday. She's a hack, and Lorne Michaels deserves a hemorrhoid for hiring her to guest host SNL this week. Brutal...just brutal. In order to quench my insatiable need for late night humor I've been scanning the internet for Rich Rod rumors but there are few. To top it all off, watching Ohio State celebrate a pre-maturely punched ticket to Pasadena sucks the mustard right outta the bun. There are leaves piled on top of leaves outside my window just waiting for me to rake and bag, and Curtis Granderson is damn near a traded man. All of that nonsense and I'm still managing to smile. Why, because I put Zoey down to sleep tonight and when your daughter drifts off through tears with a little help from her Dad, well, to hell with Curtis Granderson and Michigan football. To hell with January Jones, Lorne Michaels and Ohio State. To hell with the Black Eyed Peas while we're at it, and Fergie too. She deserves her very own disdain. Lumping her in with the whole band does a disservice to how much of a skank she is all by herself.

Look out world, I'm on a roll. Now it's time to go to bed and kick my subconscious's ass with unbridled negativity bordering on nihilism. I can do it, I know I can. I'm committed to the effort.

However crumby my afternoon was as it melted into evening and then night I did indeed rock my girl to sleep tonight and even if Kim Jung Il were to move into my basement I'd still be a happy guy.