The Zoey Blog: Our Journey Begins with Anxiety and Little Michigan State Hoodlums FINAL - COVER UNIVERSE EXPLORERS ORDER

Thursday, July 23, 2009

Our Journey Begins with Anxiety and Little Michigan State Hoodlums

Rarrrr US Airways - July 09
Rarrr buckles up for no one!

I don’t know why you have to fly over Milwaukee when you’re hauling out of Detroit for Phoenix via US Airways but that’s how it goes. This sky belongs to Prince Fielder, but not for long. We’ll be over someplace much less thrilling soon.

Zedder’s been a World Champion so far…a whole hour into ten or so and she’s hardly said or screamed a word. I think I like her more now. She’s more social than Houda though (that’s my wandering friend Kevin McDonald for those of you uninitiated into the everyone’s a friend world of the wandering Wallaceburger) and she’s got buddies all over the back three rows of this Boeing 717. There’s Carter, a boy in a Michigan State t-shirt that Zo met at the departure gate and which I quickly lectured her on so she’d know she was flirting with a future farmer or worse. There are a few other children back here in the nether regions of the plane, nearest the shitter and furthest away from 1st Class , so we’re set in terms of sharing the blame if someone gets squirrely and screamy. We can always blame it on the other kids.

Rarrrr is also enjoying the flight thus far…mostly because he has no responsibilities whatsoever, so he can just sit back and relax. Bastard.

In the six or so hours since this day began I’ve come to some conclusions…

First, I really need to chill out and work on both my anxiety and anger. I get worried quick and angry even faster.

Second, my wife is the strongest, most patient and easy going person I know…that I may ever know.

Third, I like bacon.

Other than that this past six hours have been completely unenlightening. Oh, except for learning how awesome sucking on a boob is for dealing with the pressure changes that take-off rolls you. Next time you’re having problems adjusting to the pressure put that gum away and grab a boob. Ladies…uhmmm, sorry. That was sexist and inappropriate…fortunately that doesn’t trump how effective it is.

I also learned that US Airways has ridiculous amounts of leg room in their economy class. Oh, and that almost all male flight attendants are gay…I think.

Oh, and that Baby Einstein stuff is annoying as sh!t regardless of how good it might work. Even Einstein didn’t have that crap and it’s named after him.


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