The Zoey Blog: What's all this macho nonsense? And who says "fornicate"? FINAL - COVER UNIVERSE EXPLORERS ORDER

Saturday, June 27, 2009

What's all this macho nonsense? And who says "fornicate"?

Macho spam???

So I get up early today to do the usual crazy early things -- relieve myself, grab a drink of water, solve the world's water problem, check my e-mail -- and after I get my mouth tasting all extra-awesome fresh I see that I've gotten an email from Fannie Livingston, whom I've never met. I also see that ol' Fannie has some serious language issues and probably a dirty little devious mind.

Fornicate like a macho, the email title read. Huh? First off, who says the word fornicate other than traveling preachers who spend their days sweating and screaming in tents across the entire midwest, and those hilarious old hollywood devil characters in B movie horror classics. No one says fornicate, not even God. Fornicate is so yesterday, like "rad" or "gnarly," although I do feel an overwhelming need to bring "gnarly" back into the mainstream vernacular. I heard a guy say that at a Starbucks in San Clemente last winter and it made my head twist at an odd angle to locate the perpetrator. He was a skunky lookin' 40 year old dude with a beat up old Nick Cave concert tee on, a goatee, and tattoos that matched his skateboard's deck graphics.

Anyway, the other interesting feature of Fannie's odd email is the macho part. I mean, I know what "macho" is, you know, the definition of "macho" but I don't quite get what exactly "a macho" is? I'm thinking that it's something like Lamont's friend, Julio, on Sanford & Son, and if that's the case than why would I want to do anything like Julio, let alone fornicate?

What's this got to do with Zoey? Nuthin'...but I'd like to know who this Fannie Livingston guy is so we can make sure the dude is nowhere near us for the rest of our lives. We don't need any fornicating neighbors with bad english skills. The key ingredient to our tolerance being decent english skills and all.


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