The Zoey Blog: A Shout Out to the Infinite Emptiness FINAL - COVER UNIVERSE EXPLORERS ORDER


Thursday, May 7, 2009

A Shout Out to the Infinite Emptiness

Where the schmanck did everyone on the planet (our chunk of it at least) go? It seems like we've misplaced most of the people we know...

I know what you're saying..."you had a baby, you're not out and about as often as you once were," to which I'd respond, "are you high," and I wouldn't be kidding. We've done more with a three month old than some of the people we know do all year...what!? I'm just saying.

This feels strangely unique. I'm sure most new parents see a drop off in the people they orbit around but in this house it feels as though nearly everyone we know is living 5000 miles away. We see no one, we can talk no one into a game or a road trip, and we're finding that in moments of need...you know, help, favours etc...we look to the bench to make a substitution and the pine is embarrassingly empty. You think I'm exaggerating. I'm really not. Everyone on the planet is so insanely wrapped up in surviving their own lives these days, and that makes sense as much as it sucks. We're looking at another relatively intrusive move out of the house again this summer and are embracing the notion of a 6 week vacation...so we're researching places and options and etc...fun etc...and although we've asked about elevendy million people to keep an eye out for something cool, or to reach out and get in touch with a contact that they have here or there that might be able to point us in a good direction they inevitably disappear...like we're asking them to pop pimples on our backs? It's frustrating, annoying, and disappointing all at the same time. If elevendy million people called me up and said, "Hey, Bri...can you lend me a hand. You won't sweat or have to lift stuff?" I'd say, "hang on a minute chip 'n pepper...let me fix me gitch and get busy"...'cause, you know, they asked 'n stuff. The only time I wouldn't do that for someone is if I think they're a complete loser...Are you seeing the equation on the chalkboard? Disappearing friends, not a trace of eagerness to help a fella out...Yeah, I think we're the previously mentioned complete losers. In fact, I'm almost sure of it.

I'm not exactly sure how we became that though?

I won't ramble on about my tendency to talk too much, or the absolute voracity of my opinions and beliefs...or my unabashed arrogance...and I wouldn't think of wasting your time talking about June's hesitancy to commit to very many relationships because, well, most people, disappoint...but I will mention that although it feels like we gained the best little human being on the planet in this deal it sucks the mustard to feel like we've misplaced everyone else, and perhaps by our own doing...maybe not, but maybe?

Again...don't assume that we've changed that much and that's the reason behind our sudden social leprosy...we go to Tiger games...we drove all the way to KC for a couple of basketball games...we even bought a brand new damn couch so our home didn't feel like a college flop house porch and people could be comfortable...we light the fire and have beers to the sound of waves sloshing against the beach...we have concert tickets on the fridge...I'm telling you, it feels an awful lot like it always has...where's the obvious difference? Our team's disabled list numbers in the dozens and we're playing the game with three people. It sucks worse than liver paste...pate...whatever.

Anyway...so I'm putting this out into the great universe like this blog was a giant and far reaching milk carton missing persons ad...Messages to the many people we either used to see and now don't...or the people we don't see enough...If you see your name here or identify with the reference...reach out and touch someone...Bell telephone style, not sex offender registry style...we want to see you and hear from you and do things with you and love you (not in the literal physical sense) because you've earned it. We miss everyone. We feel like a couple of less sweaty Charlton Heston's in Planet of the Apes...all alone surrounded by a bunch of monkeys. Here's a look at the milk carton:

Everyone I've emailed in the last three months who either haven't found the time to get back to me or chosen not to...c'mon...I emailed you and didn't email a million others, there's something to be said for that.

All you people who are planning on hassling me because you didn't get a birth announcement or a call to say, "Look at us,"...First, look at us feels awkward, and second, we just got around to thank you/birth announcement stuff this week...also, if it mattered very much to you at all we'd have already heard from you.

Family...off the top of my head...Uncle Larry and Jean, we really have to connect and yap and visit and a lot of overdue etc...Uncle Morty and Aunt Carol, same...Scott and Stace, there's way too much time and space between these two yoots and it bums me out...Uncle Alan and G, ditto...Kev and Em...same...

To all you people who do awesome impressions of wanting to include us but only when and if your schedule and priorities suit you best...well, that sucks that crappy kind of peanut butter with all the oil on top...it does. Go ahead and live your life but don't falsely prop us up to 2nd or 3rd on your depth chart when we're really 5th...We can slip down to Comerica Park on a weekend instead of sitting at home and hoping social interaction will fall out of a tree and land on us.

Everyone who said they'd ask around to help us out with our summer predicament...you didn't and I feel like an ass for asking.

Corey and Steph infection...we see you more than most but not enough, and you email and call and we wish crowds and random road trips to concerts and games sat better with your independent sensibilities...but we get it...

Joe, Julie & JJ...we never see each other enough...

Stu and Anne and that funny Liam kid...you've got some seriously busy lives...us too but that excuse sucks steamed weiners...

Joe C and Mrs. Walter Payton...we'd kick out our neighbors if we could and you would move in...sadly we like our neighbors just not as much as you.

Birdie...did you move back to Trinidad? I own part of that 'cause I got your number too but we gotta get on this...before the kids go away to college.

D-Funk and Kel...you should live in hammocks in our backyard. There are no kids getting kidnapped here and the beach is nice.

Ian...Red Lake is way too @#$%ing far away.

Debu...quit pooping outside of your litter box and we'd really appreciate it if you didn't have such a drinking problem or bring home so many different women...after all, you don't pay a dime in rent.


Ahmmmm...that's about it I guess. If you're out there and you aren't dyslexic, missing your reading glasses, absent of all forms of communication, or you've fallen and can't get up, track us down and make us feel less like complete losers and more like everyone else in a struggling economy juggling life and as much garbage as we all are.

I've watched far too many games alone and backyard fires aren't as fun without drunken moron friends. C'mon...you can bring your green hat.

1 Comments:

Blogger John Teeter said...

If its any consolation, we have a couple of friends that we really like and share a ton in common with, and it takes us 6 months to plan anything with them/us. Families, life, work, health… they all have a way of dealing your dance card a few empty spots.

That said, I finally heard back from my SF aunt when I was over at Mom & Dad's this week, and she said, she can't think of anything off hand but was going to ask around with her kids and see of they knew anything. She thought the best place to look is what I already told you, vrbo.com.

She'd be happy though to let you know which areas to avoid, and which are okay. She said she'd even drive by and take a look at some if you come across any potentials.

Now… as for feeling alone. Some times in the first 6 months of Emelia, it felt like it was just me, D, and E against the world. Some times that was what we needed. And some times we needed. But friends and family tend try to subconsciously give you your space. And because we're adults now, and your calendar fills up weeks in advance in the blink of an eye. And weekends are gone before you even knew they started.

And you also work on a completely almost flip flopped schedule than what you were used to. Like in my case you're up at 5:30am on a Friday morning because someone decided it was time to wake up.

So it's tough, but you're going to find that you're going to know more about people that are in Zoey's swim class than you would about friends you've known for years. I live in the same city as my two brothers, and I see people in Emelia's Little Gym class more.


The only levity I can bring to this is that in the silence of those moments, where you catch yourself thinking 'is it us?', is that your closest friends, the ones you require in your arsenal… if you're thinking about them, I can guarantee they're thinking about you. The best friends are the ones that time, space and geography can't take away the closeness of spirit.

May 8, 2009 at 7:29 AM  

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