The Zoey Blog: Blame it on the rain...and Harmon's bottomless gut FINAL - COVER UNIVERSE EXPLORERS ORDER


Wednesday, May 13, 2009

Blame it on the rain...and Harmon's bottomless gut

I don't really have any need to blame anything on anyone let alone the rain...it's just that it's raining outside and it seemed like a great chance to use a Milli Vanilli song title...that's really it. Weak, I know, but strangely fun.

There's so much catching up to do on this thing that I can barely get myself set in the starting blocks...I keep false starting, or bending over and farting which, you know, could be worse in many track and field circles. I dunno, I never ran track? When you're 6'3 and 220 lbs in high school you tend not to run track. I fought off football coaches, enraged hockey coaches, often ignored my lacrosse coach and was obedient as hell for both my basketball and baseball coaches...but track, no. I lumbered, often very swiflty, but I didn't run, no not I. Something like the Milli Vanilli reference, I just wanted to use the track and field analogy...it felt right, ya know?

Anyway...there are Zoey events I've missed and general universe type things I've missed and it's about time I got to them all...

The biggest thing to happen in Zoeyville in about a hundred years, well, 4 months, is her newest distraction from us...The girl got a Jolly Jumper and it might be just the kind of thing our abdominal muscles needed in terms of a new work out routine. Chuck this little girl in a Jolly Jumper and she's a thousand laughs a nanosecond...certainly more freak than even we had anticipated. Here's a Zotograph to peek at and then a video will follow promptly...precious...hilarious...pick your term of endearment, mine just happens to be freak but you can refer to it any way that you like.

Zo-Jolly Jumper May09

sjp43_4



Away from Zoey 90210 there has been a bucket load of news that deserves mention here...

First, our friends Chantelle and Adam...occasionally referred to as 'Telle and Bruce...are expecting a little bugger of their own and the news planted some serious smiles on our faces. Dem two kids been itchin' to be parents and that's gonna be one lucky funster.

A friend of a friend of mine who I just plain and simply consider a friend of mine is expecting any day now and everyone on planet Betzy was waiting for the soon to be newest citizen of NYC to flip around and get off the breach wagon...and the almost brand new minion of Michael Bloomberg did that very thing today so now Betz can go and get this birthing thing done right...Go Betz, go...you too kid.

I'm not sure if that constitutes a bucket load but it's all good stuff right? I could add the fact that Kevin and Aimee's little gruesome twosome are eating them out of home and any kind of financial security so we've decided that they can live here instead of the shelter if that means anything...of course Simon will have to cut the grass but it's a riding lawn mower so no worries there. He won't have to push a damn thing. Then, of course Harmon will need to somehow extricate the filthy squirrels from our garage but I can lend him a pellet gun and a lawn chair so he should be able to manage that. I can even throw in some goggles in case the neighbors are watching and want to call the cops or somethin'. Kevin and Aimee will be busy busking for food money but they'll all have a roof over their heads. Why do Kevin and Aimee have to busk for food money? Weren't you paying attention earlier? Their kids eat more food than Michael Phelps. I'm not feeding that gang of vultures. I'll keep 'em safe but keeping those two boys fed is another matter perhaps better handled by Unicef or the World Bank or something...not me.

What else?

Oh yeah...the Anaheim Ducks aren't very nice but I suppose everyone already knows that, right?

Oh, and did you know that Magglio sucks? I didn't...Turns out he does though. It's quite the bummer.

Also...since my LA Dodgers experiment failed so miserably I thought I might try my luck with either the Padres or Giants, you know, just to be a jerk.

2 Comments:

Blogger Elizabeth said...

Brian, you've created a marionette!
She's getting so big. I can't believe she's 4 months old.

May 14, 2009 at 6:56 AM  
Blogger Brian DeWagner said...

A marionette! That's hilarious!

Yup...four months old at the end of this week! It's crazy!

May 14, 2009 at 8:18 AM  

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