The Zoey Blog: The Rules according to the last person we need making them. FINAL - COVER UNIVERSE EXPLORERS ORDER

Thursday, April 2, 2009

The Rules according to the last person we need making them.

Here’s something new for you. We’re slowly discovering that there are rules to this parenting thing, subtle, often times lenient rules, but rules nonetheless.

Here are a few to begin what will eventually be the longest in print compilation of Daddy’s rules ever in print. Take ten to start and the rest will trickle in here and there…

Rule No. 1
Life isn’t fair except for those instances when you can drag everyone else down with you.

Rule No. 2
Even if you're exactly the person that you want to be 95% of the time you will invariably look like an asshole the other 5% of the time.

Rule No. 3
Patience is an awfully relative term.

Rule No. 4
If you say, "I've got some bad news," somebody better be dead.

Rule No. 5
Men and women see the world differently...Oh-so differently.

Rule No. 6
For men the word partner is both a noun and a verb but for most women it is just a verb.

Rule No. 7
Parenting is both more and less complicated than anyone will have told you.

Rule No. 8
Letting that call go to voice mail is never overrated. Answering the phone and taking care of business is prudent but it’s never all that much of a relief. If you want the sweet sensation of relief without farting or ridding yourself of waste or unwanted company let it go to voicemail.

Rule No. 9
You will want that $40 tee will buy that $20 rattle. The tee shirt will stay at the store and strangely you will be okay with owning a rattle.

Rule No. 10
Something changes in a person when they're suddenly willing to root their finger around in a diaper to check for shit...something terrible and profound occurs and you are forever changed.

If there are rules you would like to suggest that we add, please, chuck 'em our way. Your rules might be the same as our rules or perhaps your rules are rules that we didn't know were rules and so our rules weren't the best possible collection of available rules, and really in the end the rules that we want are simply just the best rules.


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