Freaks, Geeks, and Heart & Stroke Volunteers

A semi-eventful Saturday afternoon of college basketball, naps and inconsolable babies...well, baby...was unceremoniously interrupted by a door to door canvasser for the Heart and Stroke Foundation. It wouldn't have been a very memorable experience except for the fact that this woman was a freak! She didn't stop talking, not once, and rarely even completed a sentence. She was ADHD incarnate and probably a 1st Grade teacher if my freak-sense was working correctly. What a whirlwind of a woman. She told stories about going to school way up in Bramalea and walking down muddy roads and kilts that the nuns would measure with rulers...Jeez, I'm still dizzy. She dropped our neighbors names like long lost cousins and then when she finally caught a glimpse of Zoey she let out a sigh and exclaimed, "There's the baby."

I started wondering if she wasn't a Heart & Stroke Foundation canvasser at all but some kind of rogue element in the early childhood education field, out distracting new parents while co-conspirators slipped in thru basement windows to steal every last diaper in the house. I started wondering if she was dangerous and if, perhaps, I should throw her into a quick Full Nelson and squeeze the truth out of her. I gave her $5 instead and hoped for the best but I kept a sharp eye and tried to subtly flank her.

It took less than five minutes but it was a significant enough experience to merit a spot here. What really sealed the deal was when she asked if it was, Zoey with a Z?

We're lucky we made it out alive. That was the best $5 I ever spent.