Chicken or the egg...or June
Shes a summer love for spring, fall and winter,
she can make happy any man alive. - Sugar Magnolia, Grateful Dead - 1970
It's been a rough day, a long day of governmental jibberish and unfortunate obligation. I don't deal well with obligation. You'd think that after all these years I'd have learned to manage obligation or at the very least set it on the appropriate shelf. Nope. It still rankles me. Sometimes I wonder if the whole "square peg, round hole" thing applies when I look in the mirror of my career (BTW.I hate the term career but when you've been doing something similar for a decade I suppose that's what it is.the word is so, I dunno.egocentric). Regardless, I've got Jerry Garcia crooning a strained ancient voice into my ear and a wife and baby waiting at home. The pieces of that puzzle fit.
That's been the best part about this whole thing, this entire babyfication as it were. Coming home has never been so fun. Again, it's not exactly what you might imagine. I get kind of tired adding that disclaimer. Zoey, as thrilling as she is just isn't June. In my eyes that little girl is a direct result of the grown up one and I can't get enough of this freshly baked and straight out of the oven Mom. I love Zoey plenty, but I still love June more. Sue me. There's a little bit of "chicken or the egg" in that but carve it up any way you see fit. It was June who lay beside me on a bed in San Clemente , California and nodded at the notion of making us three. Laying there in that sunlight it was a bigger moment than the actual confirmation was so many months distant. In that room above a noisy El Camino Real with the ocean out the window we decided that we would have a family and although it would be weeks before the notion actually became a reality it was her face that stared back at me through those great big hopes and tears. That's the face that meets me at the door every day I come home. That's some tough competition for little Zo.
It's like my heart is a two sided coin these days and I win no matter which side it lands on.