The Zoey Blog: It's not's Preggercizing FINAL - COVER UNIVERSE EXPLORERS ORDER

Sunday, January 25, 2009

It's not's Preggercizing

eee-ohh preggercise

The consensus today is that June will not be going into labor but rather preggercising, that's right, preggercising. It just sounds better, certainly not as scary as labor. We're also spelling labor with the American spelling because we think that the absence of a single letter will make a pretty big difference. That's one less letter thereby symbolizing just a smidgen less pain. So between the two linguistic follies we figure we've got a good foundation to make this experience more gongshow than painfest. Does that make sense? If it does then we haven't done a good enough job of stupidifying this whole thing. Our ultimate goal is that the hospital staff shake their heads and wonder who invited us in the first place.

Junie got her Non-stress test done the other day (see uber cute photo above) which we were told is quite different from a Stress Test...thanks for clarifying that folks. Until EVERYONE we know made an effort to ensure that we knew the difference between the two we were totally lost on the whole thing. C'mon people! We're having fun, not fits, as well we should be. If you think too much or too seriously about all this stuff your head will split in two.

As I type this we've got about eight hours before Junifer goes into the hopper and they "medify" her to get things rolling. We like to refer to it as cervix yoga. You refer to it any way you like but we've rode the stupid train this far we're taking it all the way in to the station. I'll hang around for awhile...we'll annoy nurses and probably get into a bit of trouble and when they finally kick me out I'll come home and stare at the ceiling while pretending to sleep. It's the best plan we've heard yet so we're not arguing with it.

June's sister, Netta is heading home tonight and will be scooting to the hospital in the morning with Mihoko. My Mom is waiting for a call to let her know when she should be heading out from home, and it seems that the rest of you aren't allowed, so there...Most everyone else will be at work anyway, or should be. Uncle Ian will be elbow deep in aviation fuel when le beeb arrives so we'll get a call off to him when she comes and then he can tell Yakkie who can then yell it to all the troublesome Americans invading his Northern kingdom way up there in Red Lake. Actually, Ian thinks Yakkie's gone off to the shelter for the winter so he'll have to do his own yelling.

Apparently we have a phone list, at least June says we do...but I'm sure that'll be altered now that this little girl has made an actual appointment to arrive. I'll have to consult her, but off the top of my head I think it'll look something like this...

Le beeb arrives, freaks out at the sight of her parents, endures all kinds of pokes and prods etc... and then after they rouse me from the delivery room floor I start to make calls. Bachan (Mihoko) and Grandma Cathy will already be there, so will Grandpa Brian (Sr.) and Aunt Netta so we can strike those guys off of the list right

Granddad Gerry at the college...

Brother Brad, sorry, Uncle Brad at the Ortho clinic...and Uncle Ian up in Red Lake...then Yakkie of course...

Uhmmm, now it's kind of up for grabs. At this point there's really no particular order...although I understand that if I don't call Serree in London I'll be a jerk for pretty much ever since she's been waiting for this baby for something like ten years.

We HAVE to call Scott, Stace and Sammy Malone Giancana Davis Jr. Cooper the 4th in Toronto...we will be getting the word to Stu or Corey and they can pass things on from there...

I have to call Michelle Smith at the YMCA or she'll fire me, then of course she can pass things on from there. I'll need to call Timmy D, my other boss who is also capable of firing me if I don't get on the horn quick. I never really arranged anything for after this baby arrives because my work scenarios are pretty damn cool. Neither Michelle (sweetest woman alive) or Tim (best moustache ever) is all that diligent about human resource policies and procedures so we'll figure it out.

After those calls it's pretty much a grapevine thing. We'll leave the rest to Grandparents etc... that way we can get busy being a family rather than being an attention factory. Plus Facebook is like the plague so we won't need to worry about the word getting out.

If you're offended that you're not specifically mentioned, well, sorry. I'm sure you'll get a card? If you don't get a card...uhmmm, I dunno. Maybe you were accidentally forgotten? If that's the case then we really are sincerely sorry...of course there's also the scenario that you weren't on any list at all which is possible too...not nice, but possible. In that particular case we're more sorry that we can't manage to like you very much than we are that you weren't notified.

If you think honesty hurts you should be in June's shoes Monday morning.


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