Sunday, November 16, 2014


Nov 16 montage

There's something about the forest and the trees and not seeing the one because of the other...

I've seemed to slip into a part of my life that has me doing a home with two little people to help raise, and a wife who's working harder than she has in a while...who is happy but tossed about like driving too fast on a road full of pot is busy, always busy...that little lacrosse and life project has me spun into the ground most days, and our house is a disaster, and not a flower planted or weed pulled outside, now fallen leaves obscure even that. Sometimes it's best to just do what you can do rather than try to tackle it all...but you want to tackle it all, and you want to be good at it. You want to be good at everything. That's impossible. Flowers in the garden don't matter.

I'm reminded almost daily of who I am at this place in my life...trusted, respected, thanked, even complimented...and yet I always tend to brush such soul polishing things aside and find a more comfy, familiar spot at the bar side by side with doubt and anxiety. I don't even like those guys. I worry that my world is not in order at all, that we're barely hanging on thru chaos but I focus on the chaos...I willingly skip past the hanging on part. We're doing much more than hanging on...we're playing this game at a pretty high level, and playing well...making the right choices (mostly), and prioritizing the right things (I think), and getting the job done (the best way we know how). That's really all you can do. It's not math. You don't have to show your work. It's more like a basketball game, or any game for that matter, you just need to win. It can be ugly. It doesn't have to add up. The best teams don't always win championships. You just have to do what you do and do it as best as you can, with integrity and some character, and see what happens.

What's happening here seems to be us paying attention to the proper garden.