Saturday, February 15, 2014

Best Thing Ever...

If Ellen page isn't in your Top 10 Awesome People on the planet now your not in mine. Perhaps never better said.

When You Came Into My Life...

I somehow managed to make rooms light up when I enter them, something I was never able to do on my own.

I suddenly had superpowers...I could fix things, broken things, even hearts...and I'd never fixed a thing before in my life.

I wasn't as afraid...of anything, well, except losing you, and then I was never more afraid.

I suddenly knew who I was, and was always supposed to be...the very minute you came into my life. Before that I hadn't a clue.

I somehow became prepared. I was never prepared.

I was tough. I had always been something just shy of tough, at best, but when you came into my life I was ready to take on anything or anyone, for you..and the world is a much bigger opponent than Robbie in 9th Grade.

I forgot about all of those things that I couldn't do and grew consumed with everything that I wanted to do. The world feels so much bigger now.

I could pick up snakes without wanting someone to shoot me in the face.

I learned how to sift through all of the nonsense to get to the good stuff...and my God how could I have missed all of that good stuff.

My words grew so powerful...all the "I love you's" and every "what were you thinking?" had infinitely more impact than I ever imagined. Some I could never say enough, and others I wish I'd never said once.

I felt beautiful, and I've never felt beautiful.

Friday, February 14, 2014

There's More Than One Reason To Buy Flowers...

They get flowers partly because it's Valentines Day and partly so that someday they can say, "you didn't get flowers? My Dad always buys flowers."

It's about convincing them of their worth...and, you know, because it's Valentines Day.

Thursday, February 13, 2014

I Promise You...

Dear Zoey and Maggie...

I promise you this. I will do my best to surround you with knowledge and culture, with ideas and beliefs, and with experiences and education, but I will never test you. Oh, society will. Your life will undoubtedly be full of tests. It's how we do things these days, but I will never test you. You will never have to prove yourself.

I feel, very strongly, that being able to immerse yourself in that kind of wonder, but without ever feeling the need to perform, can be a powerfully freeing thing. I think that it can build as much confidence as any Olympic hopeful who dreams past challenge after met challenge. I think it can be the most liberating gift that I could ever give you.

You are good you are...right now...curious but not necessarily knowledgeable. Excited, though not necessarily prepared. You don't have to perform to satisfy me. With luck we will teach you how to satisfy to test to demand more of yourself...but I will never demand that you prove yourself to me.

I want you to want things on your own. I want you to dream, and to have expectations of yourself. No one else's could possibly mean more. I want you to be curious, and adventurous, and willing to try...unafraid to fail. I will never measure you against anything but yourself.

I think it will be a very hard thing to do. I know it will be hard to watch you hurl yourself into mistakes, but you'll do it anyway. I can't protect you from them, and I shouldn't. All I can promise is that I won't test you...that I won't demand that you prove your worth to me...ever. I can promise you that, and do my best to keep it.

You have nothing to prove to me. I have been amazed every day of your life so far, what more could you possibly prove by being any more than what you already are?

This is no race. There is no passing grade, nor winning score. You are who you are, and how could I possibly love you any less, or more than I do now? I promise you that the only measuring stick that will ever be placed next to you will be to mark your height on the wall by the stairs.

Then That's That...

These "Blank on Blank" animated interviews are pretty great. I first saw the Janis Joplin one a few months back and it resonated with me enough to keep coming back to it. I love how simply she breaks down parts of the human condition..."you are what you settle for"...and "if they don't have in them to need more...then that's that." Life isn't always this perpetually difficult equation. Sometimes it's just one plus one.

Every day I deal with people who aren't desperate enough to make change. Oh, they're desperate, just not desperate enough. What's desperate enough? It's different for everyone, and for every situation, but it's exactly as it sounds. If you're desperate enough for change, then you pursue change. That's it. No secrets. Janis doesn't complicate it.

An Empty House...

I've been sick for three days...three days of nausea and loathing. The house is empty. June took the girls to go visit her brother, home from Chicago for a few days, and you'd think the quiet calm would be nice. It's been upsetting. I've missed my family. I've wandered from empty room to empty room, and realized that nothing quite fills me up and makes me feel better than these girls in my life. Sure, I've slept, but only to wake up wishing I heard giggles and jibberish feel June's hand on my shoulder and see that smile I've kind of worshipped for what feels like ever now. I feel better, a little, so it's not the sick talking, it's just the clarity of missing people. It's not just the house that feels empty when they're gone. It's me too.

Sunday, February 9, 2014

Letter to a Sleeping Child

Sometimes it's just easier to speak to you when you're asleep...when I have the time to pause between thoughts, without having to beg for your attention back...and without having to get to the point or lose you altogether. Sometimes it's nice to have your undivided attention even if you're not paying any attention at all, but mostly it's just nice to get teary in a quiet room without an audience.

If you could only see what you've done to you've unravelled me like a kite string. I know I've soared too high with you to ever be reeled in, and I know that you have a mother and sister to steal away some of that attention but try to understand that you'll never have to fight for it. I might, but not you, Not ever.

Sweet dreams and all that sappy stuff that doesn't even come close to approximating the love that surrounds you.

A Reminder...

It's certainly up to us to see the world in a way that's going to inspire us, or keep us leaning into the future, regardless of setbacks, in response to challenges. This awesome video from StoryCorps (who are completely amazeballs by the way) reminded me that how we see our days is as important as the choices that we make within them.

Saturday, February 8, 2014

Go Big or...Go Online.

It's nearly done. We're nearly there. We've been inching towards some version of a web presence for Jimmy Twohander for months now. By the looks of things we'll have more than just "some version of a web presence." We'll have something pretty great. So far we're awfully proud of it.

The site will have program info, a blog, a photo gallery, the story behind Jimmy Twohander, a spot for the people involved, and a store to buy things that will help us deliver our programs. A store!? I know. More exciting than your first slow dance in grade school.

Pretty soon we're gonna be irrepressibly for real...will have undeniably arrived. It feels good...and a little scary, but scary is good.

Go Canada Go - Sochi Winter Games 2014

I'm sure the Winter Olympics are a big deal all over the world...of course they are...but here in Canada they're an incredibly big much bigger than the summer games. CBC does a brilliant job of covering the games every four years, and living here on the US border I can say with certainty that this time of year brings more Olympic gear on this side of the border than on the other. Canadians pour a lot of national pride into these Winter Games...seemingly everyone you see on the street sporting the infamous Olympic mittens that have become such a huge part of each Winter Games, or hoodies, or toques, or jackets...ball caps, and scarves...buttons. Everyone is sporting something, it seems, and you can't help but swoon a little each time the Games come around.

No word of a lie, I woke up this morning thinking, "I need to grab more Olympic gear," not "I'm hungry," or "why in God's name are the kids awake so early." Nope...need more gear. Well, that, and "I think I'm going to go back to school and be a sports psychologist so I can somehow get to the Olympics too." I honestly thought that. I know, I probably should have pee'd, washed the sleep out of my eyes and ate something before changing the entire course of my life because CBC does such a good job of plucking our heart strings.


Go Canada Go! The whole world is watching...including everyone in this little happy house.

Saturday, February 1, 2014

Cleanliness, Procrastination, and Snowmen...In No Particular Order

I was going to shower, wash the dirt off after a morning of helping a friend gut his house. His family had come home to a destroyed house over the holidays, a burst pipe, and have been living in a hotel ever since. He had intentions of moving into a rental property that he owned but it needed major renovations. Our lacrosse team went back and forth with a few messages and then, gutted...and of course, clothes and hair etc...full of insulation and other heinous, noxious dust. I was just going to clean up when I heard the back door close, and the giggles outside...

I could shower later.

It was perfect snow for shenanigans...wet...heavy...not shovelling snow, no, it was snowman snow...tunnels across the yard snow...awesome slide made out of snow...uhmm snow.

The temperature was hovering around zero degrees, the warmest combo of temperature and snow that we've had all winter, and the kids were happy to hang out in the snow for well over an hour.

No cold and wet whatevers (thank you Patagonia), and tonnes of giggles...immeasurable giggles. The kind of day that snow was invented for. Which of course, it wasn't. Everyone knows that snow wasn't invented. It's a by-product of angel tears and acid rain. It's frustratingly scientific and I don't really want to get into it here, but trust me, it was the perfect kind of snow.

I was going to shower, but I could shower later.